Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
