He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
