i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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