Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Text me some of your sweat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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