I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
