I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
