Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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