Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
