The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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