youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
