Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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