Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
