I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
