Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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