eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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