omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
