god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
