We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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