dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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