"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
