i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
