My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
