so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize