A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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