There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
