I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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