I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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