all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
