hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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