We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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