so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
