i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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