she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
