Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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