break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
