I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
