Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
