grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
