He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
