i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
