Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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