he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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