apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
