someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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