Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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