You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
