he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
