C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We talked him into tasing himself.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
