I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
