I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
