Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
