piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
