Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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