Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pants are for mortals
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
