i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the barista slut.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
