Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Randomize
