I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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