Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
