I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
