good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
