I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize