I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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