one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
