Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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