Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The air taste purple.
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