if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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