my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
