the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
