you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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