Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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