I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
