just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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