I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
