This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
