I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
